40 Days and Nights

"Elijah remained in the wilderness for forty days and nights -- the period of time in which so many Biblical transformations take place." -- Again from YEARNINGS, by Irwin Kula

Last night I dreamed that all my teeth fell out and once they were there piled up in my hand, I grew more and those fell out too. My dream life is pretty vivid and illuminating, but this waterfall of little teeth was a new one for me. So, after completely disgusting my family at breakfast with my revelation about my dream, I scooted over to the computer to see what the top-three-Google-hit "experts" had to say about it. The most relevant verdict was that I am facing a change or transition I am afraid of making.

Nailed it.

I'm hoping to go back to teaching part time next year while my boys are in school and, while I can't wait to already be good at juggling my loves of family and teaching, I am afraid of the transition of LEARNING to be good at it.

Reading Kula's words (above) and the entire page that went along with them, I was struck by how reassuring they were to me. Forty days sounded about right to figure out how to embrace the juggling. Feeling like I'm wandering in the wilderness during the process... well, that sounded about right too.

So, the next trick is to figure out how to walk the wilderness without feeling guilty for being there and bringing my family along with me.... how to fulfill the REASONABLE expectations I have for myself in each venue and discard the rest of them.

I'm still not sure HOW I'll do that -- how all of us in my little tribe will make the changes heading our way. But, this morning when this NO SWIMMING photo flashed across my computer's ongoing slideshow I knew the ATTITUDE I needed to acquire to make through the 40 days. It's the attitude my friends and I had this summer when we found the most beautiful (and slightly stinky) swimming hole in Northern Virginia tucked away next to this NO SWIMMING sign. It was the attitude that made us say, "Go ahead, jump in! When the water is THAT beautiful, the rules are just suggestions."

Maybe I should create a poster of this picture for myself as I measure my performances in all the areas of my life, as I am tempted to say no to things because they might be a little tiny bit stinky but also a whole lot of fun.

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