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Life is a Verb... entry 1

Tomorrow is my 39th birthday.  I have always loved my birthdays... always wanted to go up to complete strangers and announce how old I am that day.  I tell people days in advance that the day is coming so no one misses the opportunity to be a part of my walking party on October 15.  In fact, just now I made a birthday cake to take to school because that's what you're supposed to do, right?
I've always loved to make announcements, birthday related and otherwise.  One day a few weeks ago I found a slip of paper that I'd written on when I was in the third grade.  It said, "Today felt like it was a special day, but it was not."  I remember the exact moment I wrote those words.  I was trying to communicate that I felt like there was a happy announcement coming and that it had something to do with me... that I was as happy as if I had a birthday party to go to.  And even now, I feel like that sometimes.  I must feel so happy because of some awesome discovery or fabulous news.  I look at my friends and think, "Oh!  I have to tell them something wonderful!"  But it turns out there's really no announcement to be made.  There's just joy that wishes for words.

This year for my birthday, my mom gave me Patti Digh's book LIFE IS A VERB.  I've only read the prologue so far and already want to take a moment to reflect.   The guiding question is, "How would you live if you only had 37 days left?"  She tells two stories of people in the nightmarish situation of hearing their fortunes told by actual doctors, hearing they only have a set number of months to breathe and how they continued to inhabit the lives they'd built... how that was the greatest courage, to not succumb to the idea that maybe they hadn't done everything they'd ever dreamed of and that now, in the last few blinks, they should accomplish every item on the list.  

I love my life and all the people I get to dance with in it.  I feel the huge crusty lump of grief filling up my throat and sitting back there on the back part of my tongue -- the part where we taste bitter -- just imagining the end of THIS.  This life is the most generous gift any Being could give.

Are there frustrations?  Of course... big ones and little ones too.  Most recently was about 90 seconds ago when I remembered having had a great idea for a book title when I was talking on the phone with my mother three days ago... but not being able to remember what the great idea was.  There was that moment of panic... that moment of thinking, "Oh, crap! (you wrote a bad word, Mommy)  What if that one great idea was the path to 'fame and fortune and everything that goes with it' (Thank you Freddy Mercury)?"

Are there griefs?  Real ones and imagined ones, too.  My own and those I borrow from others.  There is the memory of the pain of losing babies.  There is the story of my 14 year old student who has already experienced life without a mother who is capable of caring for her, the loss of her father, and the loss of her grandmother.  There is the pain of creating a life without the bodies of some of the people who taught me how to love.

On my birthday, I begin a journey with a guide named Patti Digh.  A retreat on the run.  

If anyone is interested in joining me, I welcome the company!   

Comments

  1. LindaOctober 14, 2010 at 11:28 PM

    Dear Day

    You are the most amazing daughter anyone ever had! Your momma was in labor for the whole day of her 23rd birthday, but you--in your characteristic Daisy style--chose to wait until after midnight (3:45 in the morning) so you would have your very own birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL DAISY--FROM YOUR MOM WHO ADORES YOU!

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  2. PamOctober 16, 2010 at 8:42 AM

    Happy Day, Day!! May this be the first of 365 memorable moments-deliciously wrapped in sunshine, love, and joy...

    I have so enjoyed getting to know Patti as well. I am now reading, writing, and arting my way through Creative is a Verb. I was in a restaraunt last weekend enjoying a meal by myself, though I had taken Patti along for conversation. There were two women at the next table, total strangers, and it took everything I had not to stop on my way out to say "If you love yourself-and I truly hope you do-please go get this book before you go home! It will change your life." But I didn't...I did get it into your mom's hands. She knew right away that you would love it too...We all love you, Day. Thank you for being in the world, in such an amazingly creative and inspiring way!! Birthday Blessings and beyond...

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