It's Time To Claim It

Okay. It's time to claim it. I am a good teacher.

I don't know why it has taken me this long to claim that. My colleagues tell me and I squirm uncomfortably inside my soul, uncomfortable with the spotlight, uncomfortable with the unspoken rest of the sentence which the speaker keeps wrapped tightly inside a face that says, "and I'm not." My students tell me and I say, "I love you, too," because what I think they mean is that they like me and "good teacher" are the only words they can think to use in a world where the word love is often fraught with weirdness, at least when you are 14. My bosses tell me when they stamp "highly effective" across my permanent record, whatever the hell that is.

I worry about claiming it, afraid that if I believe it that I'll jynx it, that I'll suddenly fall face down into a pile of apathy I can't get out of, that I'll become a teacher who can't see even one good thing in that kid who sits in the back and tries to get away with doing nothing all year long.

But, lately, I've been reading Parker J. Palmer's The Courage to Teach, a book suggested by my mom (who is also a GOOD teacher), and I think it's time to really take a look at what makes me good at what I do. It is also time because I just accepted the job of English department chairperson and in the first two weeks it has knocked me flat on my ass. I'm not good there, yet, and my not-being-good-yet is distracting me from teaching and making me less good there. So, it is time to claim it, so when I get bogged down later by meetings that someone else thinks is important, I can take a look back here and be that good teacher again.

Because I am an English teacher, I feel compelled to jot down some publisher's information:

Palmer, Parker J. The Courage to Teach. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. 2007.

Comments

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