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Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

You wouldn't think a person would find excuses to NOT do the one thing they actually WANT to do. You'd think they'd do it first and leave the dog hair on the floor for another day. You'd think they'd race home from taking their little guy to preschool, rush in the door, and get to work, leaving the e-mails to return maybe... never.

You'd think...

All week long, I've woken up in the morning thinking, "This is MY day to make stuff. I'm going to do the laundry BEFORE I take the boys to school. I'm going to make lunch, even, and put it in a picnic bag so I don't have to even do that later." But then, I drop off Marcus and come home...

First, I think, I need to clear the decks so my mind is as fresh as that blank paper down in my studio. I need to return a phone call, arrange a new day for gymnastics class, create a menu for the week, drop by Home Goods, read that book that's due to the library, and run to the post office. Suddenly it's Wednesday afternoon and I haven't made one single creative thing in three weeks!

Oh, yeah! I've looked at other people's art. I've watched two videos about how to make cool stuff. I've even made an Art-On-The-Go Box, full of water color pencils, small scissors, tape, a glue stick, a bottle of water, a paintbrush, and an empty, blank-page journal.

I guess that I have more inspiration than spark to get this engine going right now. My Go Box must have felt imperative because I think if I could just leave all this clutter and hubbub and tangle of to-do's behind I could actually get something made.

But, let's be honest. We avoid the hard stuff, not the easy stuff. We avoid the gym, not the bakery. The truth is that if I actually sit down to make something I'll actually have to... um... MAKE something. I'll have to face the silence in the room. I'll have to encounter the untapped power of so many options of papers and woods and paints and pencils. I'll have to try out this idea to make some funny little disco birds and maybe watch the idea melt into a puddle of mud instead of take flight.

My challenge for today, Thursday, April 29, then, is to just START. Just dab a little paint, mix a little papier mache, or draw a little doodle. Maybe that will quiet the beast that harps about whether or not the art will be good enough to show other people. Maybe that will lull to sleep the dragon that guards the fountain of creativity so I can then sneak in and take a drink. It better. Because one thing I know for sure is that paying as much of my time to the toothpaste gummed up on the inside of the sink is just feeding that jealous watch-beast.

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